Why Do Kids Lie?

Does your child lie? Children who lie usually lie due to fear of punishment , fear of disappointing their parents, or they are seeking approval.

Most parents don't realize this, but children don't really understand lying until about 6-7 years old. At our last parent meeting I shared a story about my daughter when she was about 3 or 4 years old. She spilled her juice or something and I asked if she dropped it and she said no. She was the only one in the room so I knew it was her. This happened multiple times and I was getting frustrated because I thought she was lying. I researched this, thinking I was raising a sociopathical liar :) But I found out she wasn't trying to manipulate or lie, it's because she really wished it didn't happen. Her little brain didn't want to either disappoint me or herself and she used her imagination to come up with an alternative.

So I had to change my approach. Instead of asking if she spilled, I would more state it and assure her she wasn't in trouble. She would have to help me clean up, but there wasn't any other punishment. This way she started to trust and learn that it's ok to make mistakes and we figure out a way to make it right.

Trying to understand instead of going straight to punishment builds trust and makes it easier for them to come to us and be truthful. This is so important to create this environment so that as teenagers, when they do make mistakes, they will come to you for advice.